Still Hanging On

I'm still hanging out at goal. I have to admit that I haven't been trying too hard to lose more. Just to not gain back what I've already lost. Am having a bit of a rest in general right now. Took a couple of days off from work, and have been lounging around and reading and resting and trying to get a grip on my stress level, which has been bad. I have managed to put the cigarettes down again, but it was hard. If I'd kept on, I'd have been hooked again. But a night spent wheezing with an asthma attack put me straight.

I've been reading a lot of Buddhist stuff, mostly Pema Chodron. It helps. And I know that yoga would too. It's been weeks. I think tomorrow, which I'm taking off from work, I will practice at home and see how that goes. 

One step at a time.

Same Old, Same Old

Right after I hit goal I bounced up a couple of pounds and am now on the descent. I had my period and also ate out a couple of nights, which meant more calories and also more sodium.

I also have gotten a little lazy with calorie counting. This is where I always get tripped up. I pitch a little fit with myself about having to do it. But I know I have to. And I also have to weigh every day, because if I don't, I just go la la la la la to myself and oh, eating this and that won't hurt.

Back when I started this blog a few years ago, LB from Bufadora came up with the term "inner jackass" and that's what this little rebellion of not logging calories and not wanting to weigh feels like to me, that inner jackass starting to kick up a storm.

I'm back on it though, today.

Well, Woohoo!

I hit my goal this morning: 155.

This after two days if eating Easter candy at work. There were speckled malted milk ball eggs, people! 

I was also on a smoking jag, which as of today is O-V-E-R.

Yoga is the way to deal with stress, not smoking. So I need to find a way to work that back in. I'm looking at some morning classes, but they start at 7:15. It's looking like home practice with a class on the weekend when I can get one may be the way I need to go.

So, 155. 

I want to lose a bit more to give myself some room when I shift into maintenance instead of loss mode. I've never known really how to do that, so that's going to be a challenge, maintenance.

I'm going to reset my goal for 145. I'll see how I feel when I get there. I'm thinking ultimately 140 might be a nice place to be, but I think 145 is good for now.

I'd like to have that knocked out by the end of May.

One More to Goal

This morning: 156.

One more pound to go. And then I'll think about the next goal.

Busy, busy, so will try to write a proper post later in the week.

Two to Go

157 this morning. That's two to go to reach my original goal by the end of the month. I was feeling really off track the end of last week and over the weekend, but seems that it wasn't too bad after all and might have even helped to shake things up a little bit.

Good weekend to all.

That Fear

Thanks for the congrats in the previous post, y'all.

Having this space to track ups and downs and just to know that there are other people out there going through the same thing helps.

There is that fear there this time, as I wrote, that I will gain it back. I think because I've lost and gained about the same amount a couple of times before. Never thought I'd gain it back when I lost it those times. In fact, I said, NEVER AGAIN. But I did. And it's because it does take focus. Maybe I've learned my lesson this time. Because I know that if I am not conscious of how many calories I'm eating, I will quickly become accustomed to eating twice as much as I really need. And then there I'll be, back in the 180's.

I keep seeing that 95% of people who lose weight gain it back.

Here's to being part of that 5% who doesn't.

Single Digit

I bought a dress tonight that is a size 8.

I can't remember the last time I bought something that was a size 8. It's been years. And years and years.

It made me happy, but it also made me scared. I am terrified that I am going to gain all the weight back.