Finding it Again, Though It's a Bit Different

So, I was down another pound this morning: 153.

I have still been unable to get myself back to tracking in Sparkpeople, though I am weighing again regularly. I'll start out tracking breakfast, but then I kind of know, because I tend to eat the same things all the time, what the rest of them are for the day, so I just don't enter them. It seems to be working ok, but I get all superstitious and think, well, I lost so much by tracking and if I don't continue to track every. single. morsel. I will start gaining weight.

But seriously, when I think about what I was eating when I was in the 180's, and what I'd eaten to get there, it's just nowhere close to now. 

Back then, I was doing intuitive eating, you see, and here's how I ate intuitively:

I'd eat breakfast at home, back then, stop for a latte (nonfat of course) at SBs on the way to work and oooh, look at those bran muffins as big as my head with the raisins I love raisins and well ok I'm doing intuitive eating and I want one of those and even though I am still full from what I ate at home I don't want to deny myself anything so I'll take one of those. I'd get to my desk, suck down the latte and inhale the muffin. Lunch would be some kind of giant sandwich with prosciutto and mozzarella or roast beef and cheddar on beautiful bread and I would eat the whole stinkin' thing (I might manage a quarter of one of them now) and then have some fruit salad (healthy!) or a cookie as big as my head, because, well I don't want to deny myself. And then in the afternoon a handful or two of dark chocolate covered almonds that they have a dispenser for over in the kitchen area of the office. After work, if The Husband and I weren't going out to dinner, where I'd eat whatever I wanted, with french fries, thank you, because I don't want to deny myself, I'd meet a friend for dinner at a restaurant and a drink or two or three or four. I'd wake up the next day and repeat.

I think that I fear that if I let up, I will slide back to the above, and I really do not want to be in that place again. Ever.

So, I may not necessarily be needing to track every single thing, but I feel like I have to be aware if I start lying to myself like I was doing before with the intuitive eating.

I wasn't weighing myself then, though.

So I think using the scale to keep myself honest is a good thing, and easing up on the tracking every bite of every meal might not be a bad thing.