A Revelation

Thanks to all for the good luck and good wishes. I have a check-up scheduled with my "lady parts doctor" next week, just for a check-up and a chat with her. I do have fibroids, and I'd like to hear her thoughts on what that means for my chances, though she asks me every time I go for a check-up if I've thought about having children yet, so she must believe there is some hope.

Now to the revelation. Since I made the decision to try to get myself knocked up, I've been realizing some things that I was eating are not things that I probably should ever have been eating. The faux foods that are low-calorie and low on everything else (like nutrients), and long on lists of unpronounceable ingredients don't seem like such a good idea to me now. I'll pass on the Light and Fit Dannon, thanks. And ditto on that Diet Swiss Miss Cocoa. Diet soda? Hell no.

It's a little sad to me to think that I didn't have enough respect for my own body before trying to get it pregnant to not eat things that I wouldn't eat now.

If that makes any sense.

No matter what happens with the "varmint creation project", as The Husband and I have been calling it, I think a good rule of thumb from now on is, if I wouldn't eat it while trying to get pregnant, I probably shouldn't eat it at all.

Too Old?

When I last had a conversation with my mother about a certain topic, a couple of years ago, she said, well, you're too old anyway.

That topic? Having a baby.

I will turn 41 in August. I've known for a couple of years that the clock is running out. But The Husband and I would say maybe, but not now, and think of a million excuses as to why it wasn't a good time to try.

We hadn't talked about it in over a year, because I changed jobs, and we were busy, and well, I could name a million other excuses.

But through a series of coincidences or incidents of kizmet, we got to talking about it again. And all the reasons why not don't seem like any kind of good reason any longer.

So I'm hoping that my mother is wrong, that my good old white trash family genes kick in, and that I'm not, indeed, too old to get pregnant.

We're trying. As of now. I stopped taking the pill. And for the time being, I'm not going to be focusing on trying to lose weight. That seems counter productive to the project under discussion. I'm going to try not to gain any until if and when we're successful. I'll still be around, and should we be successful, will definitely need support after the fact to get any baby weight back off, but won't be posting about non-existent weight loss attempts.

Wish this old lady some luck.

Belly Full of Brisket

It was The Mister's birthday yesterday and I took him out to one of our favorite places, Hill Country, which is pretty much just like a real Texas BBQ joint. They bring wood in from Lockhart, Texas, which is where the BBQ place is that Hill Country's based on. It is absolutely just as good as what I grew up with, and what I still have every time I go back to Texas to visit family.

Since I'm not drinking anymore, I had much more room for food, which was lean brisket, smoked sausage, mac and cheese made with sharp longhorn cheddar, green bean casserole, and for dessert, banana puddin'. I ate until I was full, and didn't eat like I have there before to the point of having a stomach ache.

It's the morning after now, and I do still feel full.

Don't regret it one bit, though I did avoid the scale this morning.

Still on the Way Down

Have been hovering around 152 since the last time I posted. 

Busy. Tired. Work is making me crazy, though I'll take this brand of work crazy over my old any day.

Am headed to bed in about 3, 2, 1.

Tracked for Two Days

Result: 153.5

Why is it so hard to do what I know I need to do?

Still at 155

My attempts to get back on track with tracking are still not entirely successful. And I'm still at 155, though thankfully haven't gone above that.

I had orignially wanted to be at my second goal by the end of May, but that's not going to happen. I do need to set myself a goal, because that always seems to help. So I am determined to see 150 by the end of May. 

Dammit.

Refocus

I weighed myself yesterday after not having done so in a while. It was 155. And then I proceeded to eat like a linebacker for the rest of the day. Granted, I am about to have my period, and feel like each breast weighs at least five pounds each, but still.

Eating like a linebacker was a bit of an exaggeration, but I really have not been focused on eating well lately, and the 3 lb weight creep is indicative. It's all about choices. Yesterday at lunch, instead of going for salad or sushi or something light, I went for spinach and mushroom quiche, a personal-sized one, which ended up having about a pound of feta cheese hidden in it. Didn't stop me from eating it though. All of it. At dinner, rather than picking the salad with ahi tuna, I went for the coal oven pizza. It seemed like a good choice, because I had pictured in my mind one of those small, uh, coal oven pizzas that don't actually have that much on them, because they're, uh, small, and kind of all about handmade, with not a lot in the way of topping. But what I got looked like they'd slid it out of the Domino's box and slapped some arugula on top. I was full after two pieces, but that did not stop me from eating another piece and a half. Then I was uncomfortably full. You'd think I would have learned by now, but it seems I never do.

I need to get serious about tracking again. I've made a couple of attempts, where I'll log breakfast and then let the rest slide, but really, I know where that road leads. I've been down it before. A few times now. It leads back into the 180's.

I have managed to put the cigarettes down, and it hasn't actually been too hard. The nicotine gum is helping, but even that I don't feel like I need that much and probably won't even have to buy anymore once the box is done that I bought last weekend.

So, today I will drink my water, which I've been bad about doing as well, opting instead for diet soda, and I will track my food. And at the business meeting today, I will not keep nibbling at all the nibblies they have around (market testing = bowls of candy in the back room behind the two-way mirror).