Thursday, January 31, 2008

Forgive Them for They Know Not What They Do

My dear sweet husband. He loves my creative side. So he took a picture of me a few weeks ago while I was standing up painting at the easel that's set up in our study/computer room/library.

It was a photo of my creative backside.

I saw the photo yesterday, which he proffered with pride.

I was horrified.

Sweetie darlin', I said. Don't ever take a picture of me from behind like that again.

The image is seared into my retinas now.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Goal (Mini)!

This morning: 164!

So that's 20.5 and I came in just under the wire for my 20 pound goal by the end of January.

I got myself a fabulous new haircut on Saturday that may very well have accounted for some of that weight loss. I have thick, naturally curly hair, and had let it get a little too Janis Joplin (I love Janis, but I need to keep her in my heart, not in my hair). I got it whacked off to a chin length bob, and it's all bouncy and fun. I love my stylist.

I've been thinking about my next mini goal, and I'm thinking I'd love to see another five pounds gone by Valentine's day. May be a little overly ambitious, since I'm due for a plateau any second now, but why not try for it.

Watch out 150's, here I come.

Monday, January 28, 2008

It Definitely Must Have Been All That Whining Last Week

I'm down another pound and a half. This morning: 165.

That's a half pound away from my January goal, and ten pounds away from my big goal (which I'm thinking I might revise downward, just not sure how much yet. I will see when I get to 155).

Erin over at zenerrific and I are doing sort of a challenge, weekly mini challenges, really, and they can be whatever we want, to keep us going through February. You are welcome to play along!

Mine is to eat more vegetables and in general a wider variety of foods. I tend to eat the same things every day because I know automatically how many calories they have, and also, as I explained to Erin in an email, I work in midtown, where anything and everything I could possibly want, healthy and otherwise, is available on the other side of the office doors. It makes it hard for me to choose, and so I don't. I go to the same place every day and get the same stinkin' turkey and tomato whole wheat pita and a piece of fruit.

I also need to make sure I get to yoga class this week. I missed both because of the holiday and a work dealie last week.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Work = Crazy Today

So not much of a post.

Last night had to miss yoga for a going away drinky thing after work for a colleague who is moving on to greener pastures.

Was not happy about missing yoga, but I don't want to get so control-freaky about it that I can't make time for something like an impromptu after work get-together.

I did not drink alcohol and didn't even miss it, nor did I smoke any cigarettes, which I did not want because I was not drinking alcohol. I was happy when I woke up this morning and did not have to feel the effects of either of those substances.

Appetizers were ordered: chicken fingers and potato skins, and I did have some, along with a couple of non-alcoholic beers, which were not bad at all. Everyone I was with knew I'd quit drinking, so there was none of that aw c'mon have this or have that going on.

I am up another half pound, I'm pretty sure because of the salty snacks and the near-beer. I was still within calorie range, despite having some of the snacks last night (since that ended up being dinner; got home too late for a proper meal).

Good weekend all.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Too Much

I've noticed that I am drinking way too much coffee again. I'd been caffeine free for almost a year before I started my new job, but now I'm right back at it with 3 or 4 cups during the day, and a couple of diet sodas thrown in for good measure.

That's a lot to drink.

Which means I'm not drinking enough water, because I'm drinking all that other stuff.

I'm going to try to focus on getting enough water today and see if that doesn't help me feel less tired and also get the scale to budge.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Walking Through Mud

This morning: 166.5

This point is usually the point where I start to lag in my weightloss efforts. I've lost a good bit, and the loss has slowed, and I start to lose focus. I think I was about in this weight range when I bailed last time. I'm feeling good, looking good, my clothes are all fitting much better, and I'm feeling pissy about having to spend time tracking food. I have yet to step foot in the gym, other than to drop off my workout clothes, since before Christmas. And unless I start going in the a.m., I'm not sure I will anytime soon, since my art classes are about to start up, the first this Friday, and the other, next Tuesday, with yoga on Mondays and Thursdays. It's been a smidge warmer here in the city, so I've been doing enough walking to the tune of having mild shin-splinty pain, but I'm certainly not burning a lot of calories through exercise at the moment.

I'm deteremined not to let myself give up so easily this time around, though.

So onward, even if it is through thick sticky mud.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Pillar of Salt

Still at 167. I blame that on salt.

I ended up eating restaurant food once on Saturday and twice in the same day on Sunday. Saturday it was sushi, and then Sunday I had an omelet and then later some Thai food. I did not eat a lot, and stayed within my calorie range (though it was high in my calorie range). Yesterday when I woke up and weighed myself I was up 2 lbs. It was gone this morning, of course, because I'd flushed all that sodium out with water and herbal tea.

Since I've been really looking hard at labels in the grocery store over the last month and a half, I've really been shocked at how much sodium is in foods. I picked up a carton of organic tomato soup, and it had something like 980 mg of sodium for one cup.

That's kee-ray-zee.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Miss Green Jeans

I'm wearing a pair of green corduroy pants today. They are a million years old and they are absolutely my favorite pair of pants in the whole world and I will cry when they finally disintegrate.

I haven't been able to wear them in over a year, and the last time I did wear them, they were, uh, a little snug, let's say.

They are loosey-goosey today and super comfortable.

So whee!

This morning: 167

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

3 to Go

Yesterday no post because we were at an off-site meeting for much of the day.

This morning: 167.5, so 3 more pounds to go until the end of the month to hit my minigoal. Since I had a loss, there will be some days of back and forth, but there's still time, I think.

I continue to talk myself out of the gym. Usually I go after work, so maybe I need to think about maybe going before work. Though there's plenty of room to talk myself out there as well. I've been having to stay late, so that's not helping. If I could just make myself go once, I'd be back in, because I do enjoy it when I go. Just having a huge whiny mental block about it for some reason right now. Craving more yoga classes though.

Things are also just about to get nuts with my schedule. Mondays and Thursdays are going to remain yoga nights. But Tuesdays, and I just signed up yesterday for Fridays, I will be taking drawing and painting classes.

I've taken several drawing classes, and take a studio class with a teacher that I had a couple of semesters ago where you just go in once a week and work on whatever you want. Most people paint. I painted last semester and felt a little like I was wasting time and kind of flailing around. She doesn't instruct, she's just there to guide. But I want to work in oils, and I have had minimal instruction, so I finally decided to remedy that and signed up for a start from scratch learn how to use oils class on Friday evenings that starts next week. In the studio class, I'm going to work on drawing.

Busy, busy.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Hello, 160's

And hope not to know you for too much longer.

On Saturday morning, 168.5. I've bounced back and forth between that and 169, but I'm out of the 170's. So whee.

My next mini goal is to have lost 20, and that'll be when I hit 164.5, which I'd love to be able to do by the end of the month.

Eating has been fine. We were out with some friends last night and ate at a Mexican restaurant. I'd saved up for it, but still. Tried to order something that seemed reasonable, but then when it arrived it was covered in melted cheese. I ate it anyway, dammit. Where I did save myself was by not drinking (normally I'd have had at least one margarita) and only having one handful of chips (normally The Husband and I alone can empty at least two baskets before our food arrives).

Yoga tonight.

Still have not been able to get myself back to the gym. Am having a serious mental block. I have a painting class that starts up the last week of January; would be nice to work the gym back into my routine before that starts up. Maybe if I pick a class I want to go to at the gym rather than just planning to go do whatever, I might be more motivated. Haven't done a spinning class in a million years, but I did used to like it. That might be what gets me back in the gym.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Numbers Game

This morning: 170

The scale hovered just briefly on 169.5 before settling on 170.

Gah!

Maybe by Monday I'll be able to tell the 170's goodbye.

A great weekend to all.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Plateausville

I've been back and forth most of this week over the same half pound. This morning it was up a half pound.

Irritating.

I ended up not going to work out at the gym last night after all, and was of course mad at myself when I was up that half pound this morning. Obviously it's because I didn't go to the gym, I thought for a second, which is nonsense.

It's been freaky warm here in NYC (it did this last January as well; some of you may have seen the news then with men frolicking shirtless in Central Park), but that is about to change, so I took the opportunity to take a city walk instead of the gym. I walked for about an hour, from my office down to the gym. I actually went into the gym, where I went ahead and stashed my shoes and clothes my locker for next time. It was surprisingly not crowded like I thought it would be. Maybe lots of people had the same idea I did and took their workouts outdoors. I'll be going back to actually workout on Friday, when it's expected go get colder here.

Tonight is yoga, which I'm looking forward to. I just got over being sore from going on Monday, so I'm ready to go!

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

To Run or Not to Run

The scale had not budged this morning. I know that by next week I'll probably be down in the 160's, but I want it now, right now!

Anyone watch the Biggest Loser last night? I was surprised at how surprised the trainers were that people had such low numbers at the end of the second week. I know they anticipated a slowdown; it always happens, but there were lots of people who lost only 1 pound, or nothing, and poor Mallory actually gained a pound. They were all eating according to their plans, all working out as hard as they could in the gym.

The body, it is stubborn, and sometimes it just doesn't want to let go of that weight, no matter what you do.

Anyway, I'm headed back to the gym tonight for the first time since right before Christmas. I'd just completed week 4 of Couch to 5K.

But that was before I got back into yoga.

Now, I'm wondering about running. I definitely want to build cardio strength, because I will need it for yoga, especially when I start adding in Anusara classes. But spending all this time in yoga focusing on alignment and form and balance has made me question the wisdom of pounding away at my joints while running. It seems counterproductive.

I haven't decided for sure, and probably won't until I get to the gym tonight, but I may very well just power walk on the treadmill, which I do enjoy, or do the elliptical.

And speaking of running, I was perusing comments about the story on the ABC News Web site about Hillary Clinton's win in New Hampshire (I am very conflicted about her, but was happy that all the yappy media folks were wrong, wrong wrong), and there was a Hillary hater (an Obama supporter) on there who called her fat. It was another woman. I'm still mad after reading it. I should really stay away from the comments sections on ABC News, for my own sanity.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Role Model

This morning: 170.5.

The 160's are so close.

I went to a yoga class at the Iyengar Center here in the city last night. I'd been to one before and liked it, but it was during a period last spring when I was sort of bouncing around and trying out different styles, trying to figure out which would work best for me. I've decided on Iyengar leading up maybe to Anusara, but we'll see. I still need to do some more Anusara, because I've only done one studio class in that; the others were at the gym, and I don't like yoga at the gym, because classes are too crowded and the instructor can't really keep an eye on everyone, plus there's a competitive edge to what people are doing there, because it is the gym, so I always feel like there is a huge potential to get seriously injured for those reasons.

Anyway, I'm getting off track here.

So the class last night was led by a woman who must have been in her 60's, which I thought was awesome. One of the reasons why I got in to yoga in the first place was that after I'd been home to visit my mother, who is about 60, and saw how stiff she was and slumped over, and I made the decision that I didn't want to be that sort of a physical mess when I was 60. I see all these spry little old ladies flitting around NYC, and I want to be like that when I'm old.

I really liked her instruction and style, so I'm going to sort of make that my for sure absolutely not to be missed class. And I'll keep going on Thursdays to the studio near work where they offer Iyengar.

Up for tomorrow is getting myself back to the gym and back on the C to 5K plan. I think I'm going to just repeat week 4 (if I can), which is where I left off before Christmas.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Falling Weight

This morning, I was down half a pound.

So, since I decided I needed to lose some weight back in early December (The 4th was the day of reckoning, when I got on the scale after not having weighed myself in about 9 months), I've lost 13.5 lbs.

That's a lot for one month, and I know it. I also feel it slowing down. I'm still losing, but my body is holding on a bit longer than it was before letting go of the pounds and half pounds. It will stay the same for several days, and then lurch down, and then back up a little, and finally back down to hold for a few more days before moving downward again.

I think that I have lost relatively quickly because I gained it so quickly. I started my new job about 4 months ago, and that's when I started eating a lot more (stress) and couldn't fit exercise in.

I'd have, for example, after having eaten cereal for breakfast at home, a tall skim latte from Starbucks, often along with some little treat, which might have been a muffin or a little fruit plate with cheese. I stopped doing that on December 5. If I have a skim latte, that IS breakfast, not in addition to. Otherwise, if I've had breakfast at home, it's black coffee, or coffee with skim milk if my stomach isn't in the mood for black.

For lunch, I'd get a sandwich from this place across the street. They're big sandwiches, like as big as your head. I would eat the whole thing. And then I'd usually have some fruit salad, a large one, which is about 2 cups. And the eating was like a cartoon beaver sawing through a log. Now I either get a cup of soup and some fruit salad, or I eat half of the giant sandwich, which is plenty enough to fill me up, and save the other half for the next day, and I'll get the small fruit salad. No cookies or other sweets either, which I was also eating along with lunch, as a dessert.

I was going to the little candy dispenser in the office, the one that gives you a small handful of dark chocolate-covered almonds for a quarter. I was hitting that two or three times a day. I have cut that out completely.

And then for dinner, the Husband and I were going out for dinner most nights. I ordered anything that I wanted. I usually woudn't eat it all, but it often wasn't the healthiest thing I could have ordered, and I was ordering things that really should be once in awhile treats, and not on someone's regular everyday menu. Steak frites, anyone? That has also stopped. We go out maybe once or twice on the weekend now. And I order carefully and make sure that I don't feel like I need to clean my plate. We had been splitting desserts almost every time we went out too, so I quit doing that. If he wants something, and I want a bite, I'll have one. But not half of the thing.

And I had been drinking a lot. A lot of wine. A couple of glasses when eating out. Meeting friends at least once a week for drinks. Drinking at the office with the Mad Men.

That's out now.

And I started running again, though have yet to get back to that. I'm in pretty hardcore yoga mode right now, but I'm getting antsy to get back to the cardio, so this week, maybe tomorrow, I'll hit the gym. Am doing another Iyengar class tonight.

So that's how it's come off so quickly. It hasn't been around that long. And I stopped doing what was putting it on before I got too far along.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Nice Surprises

1. When I hopped on the scale this morning it read 171.5. That's 13.5 lbs gone. Watch out 160's. I'm coming for you.

2. I liked the yoga instructor and the class last night. Level 1 Iyengar is pretty low key. Things move slowly and you're focusing on learning the poses and correct alignment in them. There's no flow. Usually, I sweat like crazy in a yoga class if it's a Vinyasa or Anusara class. I rented a towel just in case last night. Didn't even need it. I'm a little sore today, but not crazy. It will be a nice way to ease back into a regular practice.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Back on the Yoga Train

Today I'm hopping back on the yoga train, despite the fact that I have a feeling the studio will be pretty crowded with people just like me.

I have to wait around after work for awhile, because the class I'm taking, an Iyengar Level I class, doesn't start until 7:15. I've been finding, as I search around for classes, that many during the week are not geared to the working person. Who, I'd like to know, can slip out for two hours to take a class at 11:00 or at 3:00?

It's also been harder for me to settle on something, because while I'll do a Vinyasa class if that's all there is, my preference really is for Iyengar, which is more focused on form than flow, and Anusara, which is more flowing than Iyengar, yet still has a stronger focus on form and also has more of an emotional aspect to it than Iyengar. But most studios either only, or mostly, offer Vinyasa. Then there's the issue of having time to get there, get changed, and get settled before class.

If I can just get into a routine with something, I'll be much happier.

Here's hoping I like the class/instructor tonight.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Year One

Time away from the city was restful and lovely. I did not get to the Y to run. I did manage to keep my eating under control while I was away and didn't gain any weight while gone and have lost a pound and a half since coming back. Am looking forward to getting back to the gym, and particularly, to getting back to a regular yoga practice.

The regular yoga practice, in addition to being nicer to people, which usually comes along with the regular yoga practice for me, are my resolutions. I didn't have any more until this morning.

I got really drunk on New Year's Eve. Horribly, out of control, don't remember anything after a certain point drunk. I spewed all over the place when I got home. My husband, who does not drink, had to take care of me.

People get drunk on New Year's Eve all the time. Hell, the whole party thing is really about drinking, no?

Thing is, I got just about that drunk the day before we left to go away. I work in advertising. And there is a lot of drinking that goes on. If you've seen Mad Men before, it really is not all that far off the mark in that respect. The partners all have bars in their offices. My boss has one in his desk. There are bottles stashed all over the place. Most people go out to lunch and come back with the smell of liquor on their breath. On Friday, we started drinking sometime around noon. Bourbon. Rye. Whiskey. Scotch. I can just sort of remember leaving the office. I walked all the way downtown to the gym. Drunk. And I ran on the treadmill. Drunk. It is a miracle that I didn't hurt myself. I ran 3 miles. After the gym, I walked all the way back uptown to the last stop on my train line out of Manhattan and into Queens (The Husband looked it up, and all that walking was about 4.5 miles). I was still drunk. I was drunk when I got home. I was drunk when I went to bed. I hadn't even packed for the trip, which I had to do the next morning, with a horrid hangover.

And I got just about that drunk a few days before that, when a friend visited from out of town. We met for cocktails. I had two in a very short period of time. And then we went to dinner and I had wine. And I was roaring drunk.

I went to an art workshop in New Hampshire this summer. It was all in all a great week. But while there, I got so drunk one night that I was sick all the next day. As has often been the case in the last couple of years when I've tied one on, I woke up feeling an overwhelming sense of dread.

I have known for a while that I have a problem with alcohol, but every single time I would think about not drinking anymore, I'd get panicky. I'd start bargaining with myself. Well, you know, all those social situations. How can  you not drink?  I'd tell myself, well, you don't even drink every day. You don't even keep anything at home. You don't carry it around in your purse, for goodness sake. 

But this morning, I made the decision. And I don't feel the least bit of panic about it, this decision, this new resolution I've added. 

I am done. 

Done with the excuses. Done. Really and truly. Finally. And instead of panic, I actually feel relieved.

I am done with alcohol.